Educating Myself....

I have ordered two books on hoarding from Amazon...there is no way in hell I was going to walk into a store in my high heels, Yorkie in tow, to make that purchase! The clerk would probably assume that I had 40 more purse dogs stashed at home! In the meantime I have been doing internet research and participating on the Children of Hoarders message boards. I posted the question: Has anyone had success in helping their parent overcome hoarding and live a normal life? I have received about a dozen reply's at this point. Sadly most were not positive. However there was one that gave me some hope...this woman stated that her mother was not "cured", her home was messy but now livable. Note..this took several years to accomplish. I consider that to be a success and I can defiantly live with messy. Holy hell....I would be thrilled with messy!!! I just want mom to be safe at this point.

For the past few days I have been contemplating whether it would be most effective to confront her in person or write a letter.  I think the letter is probably the best option. If I do it in person she will most likely blow up and refuse to discuss it. I'm pretty sure she would try to deflect back to me and start picking me apart. Fortunately I know there is nothing wrong with me so good luck with that! Just kidding ;-p In all seriousness I don't think it would even bother me that much. I know it is coming from a place of desperation. I think the most difficult part for me will be her denial of how dire the situation is. I'm getting really f***ing tired of hearing "everything is fine" and "It's my life". I just don't understand how she can not see how bad the mess is and how it affects others. Maybe the books will provide some insight into the thinking behind it?

When and how it all began.....

My parents divorced after 11 years of marriage, I was 7. He pretty much divorced me as well. He left us with some furniture and a car that he was supposed to pay the lease on. The car was soon repossessed. We had our own apartment for a short time but he was paying very little support (not on a regular basis and soon he stopped altogether) we had to move in with my mothers parents. Many thanks to grandma and grandpa for taking us in. My mother has always been messy and my father has told me more then once that the poor housekeeping skills along with the fact that she was overweight and refused to take care of herself was the reason he left us.

Most all of our belongings were placed in a storage unit. My mother and I shared a room with two twin beds. Soon she began filling up the room. I had a path to my bed, there were boxes and stuff all around me. I had to climb over my bed to get to my closet. My grandparents were messy as well but not hoarders. I am not aware of any other relatives that suffer from compulsive hoarding. I do not suffer from the condition....thank God! 

We lived in that home for 10 years. My grandmother passed just before my 16th birthday, my mother was very close to her. Two years later my poor grandfather choose to sell his home to pay a debt for a relative. He purchased a mobile home for the three of us to live in. My mother began filling it up along with a storage shed she had outside. He passed away about a year later. As the hording became worse I choose to move out and live with boyfriends in order to get away from the mess. I was finally able to start making it on my own by the age of 28.

The last time I saw the inside of my mothers home was probably about 20 years ago. At that time the place was pretty much a stage 4 hoard. She has not had a refrigerator for about 5 years now. It broke and somehow she had it removed. She expresses no desire to replace it, I assume the area is filled with junk and I doubt they would be able to get it in the house anyway. Her car is also filled to maxim capacity which is a huge embarrassment every time  she comes to visit. It is such a shame how this mental illness has affected our relationship. We would be much closer and spend more time together if this damn hoarding had not gotten in the way.....O how I hate you hoarding disease!!!! Hoarding you better watch out because I am coming after you! I am going to learn everything I can, do what ever it takes and steel my mother back from you.....I hope

Owning it....

My mother is a hoarder.....there...I finally said it. This has been my dirty secret for most of my life. I am 41 years old, female and an only child. The purpose of this blog is to document my efforts and experience as I make my second attempt to help my mother overcome compulsive hoarding.  The last attempted intervention was 6 years ago and did not even come close to being slightly successful. She did not want to discuss it and threatened to disown me. This was shocking to me given the fact I know she loves me more than anything....the smart ass in me want's to say "yea sure, more then anything except your useless crap" but I know that just isn't true. This is a mental illness and she can't help herself. I'm hoping that writing this down will help me keep my sanity during this journey as I know this is going to be a long tough road. This is my first blogging experience and I wonder if anyone will even see it......